In The Far Pacific Atoll Of Bonga Bonga, Native Custom Calls For The Honored Guest Over Dinner To Have A Fling With The Fat Missus After Dessert Or The Host Feels Slighted If The Grand Hospitality Is Rebuffed.
“Why you don’t find my wife desirable?” The host is quick to accost the unaccustomed tourist who is taken aback. .
“Oh no, she’s, ehem(clears throat) very attractive in a way of speaking.” “But please, we are so not used to this kind of accommodation.” “We usually are more discreet like we don’t let the husband in on it or do it on the sly, he, he.” “Please, please, the dinner was so good.” “The whole roast pig was so succulent we overloaded on fat, err I meant calories.” “He, he, we just can’t take any more.” The dinner guest sounded flustered over the unusual offering.
“Are you saying my wife is too fat that’s why you don’t want to intercourse her?”” In Bonga Bonga culture fat is beautiful. In fact many years ago she was a finalist in a Miss Bonga Bonga beauty contest.” The host was adamant and gave the guest a slight shove towards the bedroom.
“What about my friend Perkins over there?” “Perkins, would you like to take the first crack, my man?” The two mining engineers were on the island for the first time on an assignment and were not apprised about the strange custom tied to the dinner invitation in the home.
Perkins squirmed in his seat and pressed his right palm on his mouth as his cheeks ballooned. He coughed and stammered inaudibly as he motioned wildly with his left arm to signal that the Senior Engineer can play right through.
Sam took a peek inside the door veiled with strands of coral beads that hung from the sill above. Beyond the red fiber mats on the floor a wide bamboo bed bore a hulking frame in the corner illuminated by a single gas lamp atop a tall black closet. Grass skirts woven together as a blanket covered her vital parts but a gigantic bulbous thigh ashen from the sun stuck out from the straw beddings.
“Chief Kambala, your Highness, she looks particularly ravishing.” “Why don’t we skip tradition this one night and you go on ahead and take her yourself, do it for me, be my guest?” The Senior Engineer tried to wiggle out of the spot with a magnanimous gesture.
“Are you crazy?” “I have a whole lifetime to face that and you can’t give me respite this one night after I received you and your companion with the warmest hospitality?” The Chief bellowed incredulously. “You will be doing me a great service by relieving me of my marital duties tonight.” “It will be my honor and your pleasure to invade my spouse tonight as a solid step towards our business solidarity.”
“You mean our mining rights are tied to this affair? Wait, Chief, let me call the office on my cell phone and ask if they pay an honorarium or per diem for this kind of lobbying activity.” The air was broken with the howling sobs emanating from Perkins’ muffled mouth in the rattan sofa.
“There’s no time for that now. My bitch, err, my queen is in heat. She became feverish from doing all the cooking tonight in front of hot charcoals.” “You have to poke her now while all her juices are sizzling like a volcano!” The Chief bore down with two arms on Sam’s hesitant back and pushed him forward to the room.
“Wait a minute. Just hold on a minute!” Sam, the senior engineer, became panicky. “I have this problem, you see. I’m religious and have never been unfaithful to my wife.”
“You are lying. I can see in your face you are lying to escape doing my wife. I know you are lying. I have yet to see an American who doesn’t play. Back there you just said you do it behind the husband’s back discreetly.” The Chief caught Sam with his pants down figuratively but that will soon change to the actual, the persistent Chief hoped.
“Chief, Whoa, hold your horses. It was a great meal. I have to be honest. I think I boozed up a little too much with the beer. My problem is that I can’t get it up when I’m tipsy. He, he, sorry I’m not up to it right now. Sorry. It’s a shame to admit my shortcoming. Pardon me.”
“Ha, ha, ha” the Chief rocked with gales of laughter. “I have the same problem every night when she demands for it. My meat dies down like an airless bag from the aggravation.” “Not to worry, I have the instant solution for it that maybe you can bring back home and make loads of money from selling as a cure for erectile dysfunction.”
“Really chief, what is it?” Sam grew wide eyed. Maybe tonight will not be entirely without good prospects.
The Chief took out a bag and handled it gingerly. He loosened the tie to reveal dried leaves inside. “This is really imported from your country but here we use it for a different thing. We will rub it all over your thing to make it grow hard and red making sure not to touch the surrounding skin. I believe you call it sumac.”
“Sumac, isn’t that poison ivy?” “Are you out of your mind?” Why, that will make my organ get inflamed with rashes all over!” Sam couldn’t believe it.
“It will blow up with red welts and become rock hard while throbbing with hot flashes.” “The pleasure mixed with the itch and the burning sensation when you climax will be out of this world.” “It will be a mind boggling experience you never thought possible.” The Chief did all he can to reassure the engineer who bristled like a scared cat.
“What about my eggs, suppose the sumac gets on my eggs?” “Why that must feel worse than hell!”
“The scrotum will treble in size then implode to give you an unstoppable and continuing premature, midstream, and latent ejaculation.” “It goes on and on even after all her multiples have boiled over.” “You will be a pocking superman.” The Chief tapped Sam on the shoulder and winked.
“Then how do I get it out of my system right after?” ”Gee, I don’t know Chief; maybe I don’t have the balls to do this.”
“Don’t worry; she’s the strongest cocksure sucker this side of the Pacific. As post play action she will give you a giant blow job the likes of which you never imagined before. Hang on to your gonads and tonsils and make sure they don’t get sucked away in the dark hole.” Ha, ha, ha, The Chief broke up in rowdy laughter again. “You will be thoroughly drained of the sumac like a dressed turkey without stuffing.”
Perkins rose from the sofa. “Sam, I should have spoken sooner. I feel guilty for sitting by and letting you take the brunt of all this.” Both men turned to Perkins who was clutching his crotch like Michael Jackson in a bush outfit.
“I have this peculiar condition, call it a malady if you will, which can help all of us get over this stand-off.” “I have this perennial hard-on which won’t stand down under any circumstance.” Perkins looked down to the floor as if embarrassed but the Chief and the senior engineer grew large eyes like they hit the jackpot.
“There’s only one problem.” Perkins looked more forlorn.
“What, what!” The two protagonists in front of him stood on edge.
“I am gay”. And Perkins looked at them with a sheepish grin.
There was a minute of silence like a scene waiting to explode.
“Great!” That has been my problem too since the start until I had to marry her to rise to become Chief. Wow, a hard on that keeps, golly, I guess it’s the most auspicious time to come out of the closet, pock being Chief.” ”I could sure use some of that!”
“Me three, that’s the real reason I kept hemming and hawing but couldn’t admit my real orientation. In fact I always had a secret crush on Perkins here but was afraid he’d rebuke me if I made an advance. Now that it’s all out in the open, I want some of that stiff dog that never whittles.” Sam was ecstatic.
“What are we waiting for, let’s go!” The three prepared to hightail it out of the hut. “All for one and one for all.” “Call us the Three Musk Kittens, Hi, hi.”
“Hey, Kambala, what’s happening, where you guys going?” A croaky voice called out from the darkened lanai boudoir.
“We are going to Vermont to have a tripartite gay marriage.” “There’s that dildo in the closet if you need some.” And the three rode into the sunset with Perkins providing the gear stick.
